An Exploding Life

I ride out under a full moon. Sleepless, I decide to enjoy one of my favorite routes along the boulevard, looking down at the stars dotting the valley floor. At one place I stop, where the road hugs the very edge of the mountain, I move on for fear of tarantulas and rattlesnakes that I am told inhabit the area.  A few more minutes pass and again I stop at a business complex near the mouth of the canyon, the very place where I was screwed out of spa treatments I bought for my wife. They went out of business shortly after I paid. After sitting for a moment, smelling hot oil from my motorcycle and listening to crickets sing in time to the pings of my cooling bike, I get spooked by a police officer pulling in to the parking lot so I roll away.

Finally, I settle at a familiar place: a hole in the wall eatery that my buddies and I frequent, well, used to frequent before my life exploded. Just a couple weeks ago, I was lazily living day in and day out in my regular routine. Sure, I had plans for the future, but these were still far enough in the future that I could put off thinking about them. I was casually procrastinating writing about a lengthy list of topics, because I thought that I would be getting less busy rather than more.

The observations my wife and I made on our trip to the Czech Republic and East Germany, how after nearly 30 years the memory of communism pervades their way of life. A review of "Geisha: A Life," how it was fascinating not for the story she told but how the way she told it unwittingly spoke volumes about the author. What validation in the scientific community feels like through peer-reviewed publication of my research, the sense of relief and satisfaction I felt finally getting my own work accepted. My personal conversion to the Mormon church, why I believe what I do, and how that meshes with my perception of science.

Instead of writing, I procrastinated long enough that my life got extremely busy. Now I sit under the flickering lights outside of the Wing Coop, taking advantage of my insomnia to squeak out a few lines in what feels like the last chance I may get in a while.

There are big changes in my life right now, my way of life is changing almost as dramatically as when I got married or had children. I have a real job. We are moving across the state so that I can do some very adult sounding work, never mind that I feel like a kid. I will change my wardrobe completely. And, I will act the part of a confident professional, even though I feel lost and very small.

It turns out that graduate school has been a very big part of my life. The relationships I have had with my boss and coworkers have dramatically shaped who I am. Cleaning out my office was painful. I have been a student K-12, then 4 years of college, and another 4 of graduate school… 20 solid years of learning.  Now I will make a complete reversal and start teaching. Though class starts in two weeks, I still don’t know what classes I will teach for certain. I haven’t finished my thesis. Day after tomorrow I am driving a packed U-Haul truck 300 miles to an apartment that I only saw for a few brief minutes before I agreed to the lease. My whole life is up in the air, dynamic, expanding, violent, but awesome. My life has exploded.