Santa Smokes Hookah and Has Tattoos

Just feet away from his carcass, the soul of Santa looks upon his dead body. Blood stains his white beard as it trickles onto the snow. Reindeer paw the ground and whine.

"I never thought it would be like this," he says. Santa's eyes have the glaze of a man in shock. "What do I do now?"

Having no recollection of his past life, Santa is born. He is a slight child, the second given to a successful born again Christian businessman and a quite mother. Life for Santa incarnate is typical. He grows up innocent, then looses his innocence. He goes off to college, experiments with life, drugs, and women. After a couple of hard-knocks he straightens up and finishes college. Lacking direction, he just keeps on going to graduate school.

Then, everything changes. He isn't typical anymore. His first semester in graduate school, during a particularly stressful exam, he hears a faint ringing in his ears... there is a shot of blackness, and again he finds himself looking over his body. His fellow students are surrounding his violently shacking body. One boy grabs Santa's jaw to keep him from biting off his tongue. Two of his friends call 911. The instructor looks on as blood leaks from shaking boy's mouth who, for a few moments that seemed like an eternity, stopped breathing and now was struggling for air with heavy raspy breaths. One student says, "that's just how my mom sounded before she died." Santa weeps. Emergency crew take his body to a hospital. An event that sets off a sequence of others leading to the knowledge that he has a brain tumor, the cause of the seizure.

The boy, Santa incarnate, never had much direction in his life - neither a particular desire to do good. Things were different now. His brush with death had brought memories of a life of virtue, dignity, and joy. His habits from the past life began to work on him. His head is cut open, the tumor removed, he wears a beanie to cover up the scar and soft-spot in his skull, and years past. Somehow he becomes friends with a guy with an almost polar opposite lifestyle. Santa now drinks, smokes hookah, sleeps around, gauges his ears, talks like a sailor, and has arms covered with tatoos. His friend and co-student is a practicing Mormon, and does none of those things. No matter.

Santa's friend has a daughter in graduate school and lives in a two room apartment. A strain on a researcher's meager stipend. Then, his friend moves to an apartment with three rooms, his wife quits work, and announces "we're having another baby!" The budget is broken, but only until they get out of graduate school. Immediately after the baby arrives, Santa visits with his Asian girlfriend to drop off a few nice baby gifts. The friend's heart is warmed, but still doesn't know Santa for who he really is. While Santa is visiting, he notices the scarcity of presents under the tree. The Mormon responds, "Yeah with a wife and two kids we can't really afford to have Santa come. Next year our daughter will be old enough to know what Santa is, so we won't be so lucky."

There is a flashback, and Santa knows what to do. He runs to the toy store and buys several nice gifts fit to make a two-and-a-half year old girl squeal, gifts like these aren't cheap. He wraps them and writes "To: Princess, From: Santa." Santa and his girlfriend creep up the steps to drop the gifts off at his friend's door. The plan is to leave them there for his friend to find, so that he can have the pleasure of giving his beautiful daughter a nice Christmas from Santa. The Mormon bursts out the door to take out the trash just as Santa was putting the gifts down. The plan is spoiled. Santa incarnate mumbles "Oh, crap" and explains himself. Santa is exposed, his cover blown. The Mormon thanks his friend for the gifts, shuts the door, and his eyes tear.

"I guess us Mormon's don't have a monopoly on love and the true spirit of Christmas," he says aloud to himself. "I guess you really can't judge a man by the way he looks, or the mistakes that he makes, or what he professes as his religion." The Mormon sits and thinks for a long time. He remembers the times he has judged people on the train, based solely off of their physical appearance. He remembers being cold to people. Then he thinks about the tremendous example his tattooed friend Santa has given him, and decides to be better.

A Moment that Transcends All Other Moments

The birth of my son. I know, I know, you all have heard teary-eyed stories from adoring parents to the point of nausea. Mothers sit around and cackle over the particulars of their labor and delivery and the odd things their babies did. Eventually, the story is told so many times that it becomes a scripted recitation with pauses in the right places for bursts of laughter and practiced expressions to invoke emotion. That is not my plan here.

What I have to say is simple, and I want to get it out while it is still fresh. The birth of your child is one of those occasions - not unlike Nirvana - of such significance, such emotional depth, such joy approaching infinity that the brief moments of birth seem to contain days of experience. The moment I saw my son for the first time occupies the same amount of memory in my brain as months of my research. The sound of his first cry that brought a flush of red to his face. His eyelids cracking so slightly to let first light into his dark eyes. I sobbed with joy.

Roll your eyes at your monitors if you want. I don't care. The births of my children, my baby girl two and a half years ago and my son just hours ago, were the two most spiritual moments of my life. Moments where I achieved a perfect Zen-like union with my surroundings. Moments where I felt God's love, and understood his plan for us. Siddha. Rapture. Enlightenment. Moments that transcend all other moments.

Milk: Not Fit for Human Consumption

Milk: A fatty opaque liquid secreted by the mammary organ of a cow, which liquid is stored in the cow's udder cisterns and ducts until time for release by the animal's nipple. After exit from the nipple, this liquid is consumed in a variety of ways from unsterilized, raw, whole milk straight from the cow to sterilized with the fat skimmed off of the top.


Question: What makes us think that cows milk, or milk from any other mammalian species outside of our own, should be consumed in the first place?

There is a class of substances that I feel are not fit for human consumption... this is the class of "What is Gross." What is Gross is subdivided into different groups including, but not limited to, things that are gross as a mater of principle, things that are gross because of the natural use of the substance (as in liver, brains, and reproductive organs), and things that are gross because of where they have been.

Milk is difficult to classify. It is gross as a mater of principle, because human consumption of milk cow milk was not intended by nature. This fact is evident in our biology. After humans are weaned, their ability to digest milk drops to about 10% of it's infant capacity by the time they are 4. Cultures that don't traditionally consume dairy products, such as some South African and Asian cultures, are almost entirely lactose intolerant. Only if an individual is conditioned to lactate beyond the age of weaning is digestion of milk as an adult possible. Another evidence that cross-species milk consumption is unnatural is the fact that humans are the only species that does it. Granted, if we slide milk in front of a kitten they'll drink it. However, I don't see any other animal species existing in a symbiotic relationship with another drinking that animals milk. You don't see sheep suckling from cows, or puppies suckling from sheep, or humans suckling from dogs.


The reason humans don't drink dog milk is because the liquid secreted from a dog's nipple is intended for dogs. Clearly, what the natural use or source of a substance is should be a consideration in whether that substance should be eaten. If a person doesn't object to drinking cows milk, then there should be no objection to ANY type of milk, so long as it is sterilized. I object to cow milk because I definitely would never think of drinking cat's milk, and the exception of an arbitrary animal makes no sense.

Finally, the milk in your glass has been inside the breast tissue of another animal. If you cut open an udder, and looked at the white foam bubbling from the mammary glands and leaking from the ducts you would never think "Mm. That looks good! I think I'll gather that white liquid and sup it up."

An ID History

I read recently in a marketing publication that the "generation" I belong to has little regard for personal privacy. We publish on social networking sites our intimate details, to be viewed by our handful of friends and hundreds of less familiar "connections." In that spirit, I present here my entire collection of personal identification cards including my Social Security Card, Drivers Licences, Student ID, and others. I have blurred out any numbers potentially useful to anyone who would want to hack my life. I invite anyone else who would like to share their ID card with the world to e-mail me, lifeasatool@gmail.com

My social security card. Judging by my signature, I probably signed it about the same time I signed my 6th grade school card.

Yep, I was a falcon. I took off my glasses for that picture. I seem to remember that the 6th grade was the year my social life went down the toilet...

As a freshman in high school I was a member of the Ski and Board club.

Sophmore in high school. My friends started doing the thumbs-up all the time. In an effort to fit in and try to be funny, I proved myself a wanker.

My first drivers license. I pierced my ear myself for that ear ring in the photo.


Junior in high school. Again, with the "funny" posing. There was another kid named Matt Jorgensen in my school. I think this was the year I was busted for having an ID card with his lunch account number, but my picture on it.

My school ID card from my senior year of high school is no longer extant. However, I DO have this season pass card... this was the year I got married, and the last year I did any serious skiing.

Front and back of my Ski and Board club card, senior year.

I soon realized that marriage required a job. I had a lot of small jobs previous to this in high school, but this was my first job where I actually worked because I had real bills to pay.


I also worked in the quality department later.


Convergys was a company that contracted with companies to provide telephone customer service. The place I worked at was contracted with Sprint. In my down time, I was browsing their intranet and found an email exchange between the CEO (at the time) of Sprint and the head of engineering. In the emails, the CEO complained that his new 3G phone kept dropping calls and having slow internet... which set off a cascade of employee emails trying to fix the problem. It was funny. Before I left Convergys, I sent the CEO an email.

First year of college... I flunked out, took a couple years off, then came back.

One of the jobs I had during my time off from college.

Another job I had during my time off... they messed up my badge and had to give me another one.

I got in trouble at the end of my time with Tyco. There was a miss-communication, and they though I was "blackmailing one of their vendors." Really, I had found an embarrassing security hazard in some software Tyco had just bought. Rather than humiliate the software company, I approached them in private about the problem. The software company ignored me, and I sent off an angry email. Lawyers got involved, I was mistreated a bit, I got fed up, and just left (which is what they wanted).

Back in college, I worked 3 jobs simultaneously. One of which was at a Chevron, the others were at a eating disorder treatment center and in a chemistry lab.


Did some research in Hawai'i as an exchange student. It was awesome.


We went over to Hawai'i with all our belongings packed into 5 big brown boxes... no job, no place to live, no car, nothing. In the airport we found a nice guy with a van to take us to a cheap hotel. Within a few days I had got a job as a teller at the bank, we had found an apartment, and started classes.

I left my teller job as soon as my checks for my research work started coming in.


New drivers license. I feel so exposed, you all now know how much I weigh and that I am an organ donor.

First year of graduate school.




Bus and train passes.

Why Mountain Dew is Yellow

So why is Mountain Dew yellow? I don't mean to ask why the product developers chose yellow 5 to color their drink, but rather why does the dye yellow 5, or tartrazine, make the drink look yellow?

I took some Mountain Dew and put it into a cuvette this afternoon to investigate it's optical properties. First I took a transmission spectrum, which shows how much light of a particular color can pass through DEW relative to a blank sample (water).
This graph shows the percentage of light passed through the sample verses the wavelength (color) of the light. I superimposed the spectrum to show what wavelength corresponds to what color. Our eyes can detect light with a wavelength of about 375 nm to about 750 nm, which is why the spectrum goes black after that in the graph. What the plot above shows is that the dye in Mountain Dew absorbs blue light, leaving green through red behind. Why should a dye called "Yellow 5" absorb blue light? Well, because dyes are typically named after the colors they don't absorb... the colors that you end up seeing.

What remains after Mountain Dew absorbs blue light is everything else... a big block of green, a sliver of yellow, and a big block of red. That doesn't sound like the urine colored soda that I am used to drinking... more like some crazy hippy drink. The yellow color we see is the way our EYES perceive this mixture of colors. Think about your computer monitor, which is made up of little pixels of three different colors red, green, and blue. By mixing these three colors additively (meaning by mixing you add diversity to the colors detected by your eyes as opposed to subtractive mixing which is what you do when you mix paint or crayons), the display can give your eyes the sensation of all the colors of the rainbow. Additive color mixing seems counter intuitive at first, at least to me, because mixing all the colors gives white.


Notice how mixing green and red produce yellow. Lets look at the DEW transmission spectrum again.

We have a big block of green and a big block of red. And, just like the pixels on your T.V. the red and green add together to give...

... yellow! That is how a dye called Yellow 5, which actually only absorbs blue light, colors Mountain Dew the color we've all come to love.

Clouds Over The Atlantic

I wonder why a sight so unfamiliar as this would seem beautiful to me. Millions of years of evolution have coded me to be attracted to women that would make good mates, places that would make good homes, and my offspring so that I will take good care of them. What codes me to see beauty above the clouds?

McDonalds in Barcellona and What's Wrong with the USA

I sensed an intangible quality of the people in Spain during my stay there. I liked it, and spent a week trying to put my finger on it. A piece of the puzzle came to me in the Barcellona McDonalds. I have enough experience in US McDonalds that the differences in the two locations were obvious. The golden arches of Barcellona was a two story outfit that was kept immaculately clean. I noticed waiting in line that this place draws a different crowd than ones state side. Excited couples and respectable old people stood in line smiling and talking excitedly. A Big Mac must be a special occasion for them... which struck me as odd because the local food in this place was always approaching perfection. And the guests weren't fat.

We got our food to our second floor table only to realize that we had ordered incorrectly. My brother and I had asked for a number 1 without realizing that the menu number system was totally different. So I walk down stairs with the sandwiches we had ordered by mistake, playing out in my mind the confrontation I was about to have... when a random worker from across the restaurant sees me and practically sprints to me to ask if there was a problem. I explained that I had ordered the wrong thing. "Oh, I am very sorry. We'll get this fixed for you right away!" Within minutes I had hot food in my hands. Our sandwiches were carefully assembled with an eye for presentation.

That's when it struck me that these McDonalds workers care. They care about their job flipping burgers. They care about satisfying the customer. They care to really keep the place clean, and be extra friendly, and solve issues right away. I consider burger-flipping to be a menial job, the type that you do only because you have to, the type of job that you show up to so that you can slack off as much as possible and count the hours down until you can go home. The majority of burger joint workers I bump into in the states seem to share my point of view, which is why I have become used to being treated with lazy disrespect by workers of menial jobs putting in the bare minimum.

As I think back on the menial job workers I noticed in Spain, not one sticks out in my memory as a worker without pride in his job. One morning I watched a street sweeper sing to himself as he cleaned up the walkways of Girona. He methodically cleaned with a big smile and a purpose. He knew he was important, without him the streets would be dirty giving the whole town a bad image. The woman behind the counter at a street side pizza place gave us thoughtful conversation and then called us back from a distance to give us a few cents in change she had forgotten. The cafe workers were careful in preparing our food, even in a rush... they were frustrated that we ordered complicated dishes but still made us the best hot chocolate I've ever had - literally hot melted milk chocolate. Somehow their culture had engender in them the idea that all jobs form an important part of the community as a whole, and they should take pride.

A Chuckwagon and Scout-A-Rama Thanksgiving

The Salt Lake City based restaurant Chuck-A-Rama gets it's name from a queer combination of the ideas of western style chuckwagon cookin' and the wild directionless frenzy of a Scout-A-Rama. Since the 60s the almost-all-you-can-eat [1] buffet Chuck-A-Rama has been dishing up huge quantities of food they call "homestyle" (a euphemism for void of experience... you come to eat a lot, not for memorably good food or atmosphere).

Seeing that the Dutchess is pregnant to the point of exploding at any moment, we couldn't travel out of town to eat dinner with family this Thanksgiving. Figuring it wouldn't be worth it to cook a big Thanksgiving dinner for our little unit of 3 people, we thought it would be prudent to eat out. Seeing that my daughter has entered a seemingly interminable phase of crying loudly at everything but the prospect of M&Ms, a quiet meal was out of the question. Enter Chuck-A-Rama. Homestyle family cooking? Sounds perfect. We Googled "thanksgiving dinner SLC" and there was an about.com list that said they were open on thanksgiving day, that they serve a special thanksgiving dinner for $10.99 (beverages included!), and that kids eat free. Sounds even better. Homecooking buffet with loads of kids bound to be noisier than my own.

We do some light shopping at Wal-Mart on the way over. At the check out, I can feel my blood-sugar crash making me highly irritable and irrational. As we leave the parking lot my face flushes and soon the Duchess and I are screaming expletives at each other over something so menial that by the time I have violently pulled the car over and stuffed my face with Hostess mini crumb donuts that I knew were hiding in the trunk... I had forgotten what we had gotten upset about.



Chuck-A-Rama has a line out the door. A good sign! Our spirits are up as we wait in line and for our table. Things rapidly turn sour. The special thanksgiving dinner we had read about online is not so special... or fresh... or warm even. That's ok, I can roll with this. We take our daughter princess around to plate up thinking that since this is a buffet with like 100 choices there shouldn't be any problem finding something she'll eat. Wrong. Out of ALL of the items, the only thing she didn't say no to was red Jello. Whatever.

I am next to plate up. I go straight for the turkey, which turned out to be a mechanically separated white meat with juices pressed turkey loaf. You know, like the Carl Budding crap you find sliced in the grocery store for under a buck. For reasons that are complicated to explain, I have an intense feeling of disgust for this particular type of food product. I never eat it. Except, today is Thanksgiving and I want to be a sport and make it nice and make up for my outburst before. All the rest of the fixin's are of the same startlingly low quality.

Mental conditions cross a critical boundary from upset-sane to giddy-pocoloco when Princess starts throwing food and smears chocolate all over her. The Dutchess and I are laughing our asses off. Princess is screaming, and we are getting dirty looks from the quiet Asian family seated next to us. Suddenly, we get embarrassed as we realize that all the people we have poked fun at for coming here, people we have slandered as piggish fat stereotypical Americans, are staring at us and muttering things to their spouses through toothless mouths. I chug the remainder of my oversized fountain drink, poke a final bite of dessert in my mount, and say "lets get the hell out of this place, it's cramping our style."

1. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,595059925,00.html

Primary in the 60s, God's Gift of Water

Alexa.com Facebook Entry Hacked!

I was checking out how Facebook.com ranks on Alexa - a well known, prestigious web information company - and found that it has been hacked!

The site title for Facebook.com reads: "I am the person Ramiro dis on the air"

The site description:

About I am the person Ramiro dis on the air (facebook.com): Everyone it's time for me to come out and let you know I am the one who Ramiro dis on the air. Not Crazy Ace. He tell people that Crazy Ace and I am one person. As Ramiro has anyone been calling in and playing the dis. To me I wanted him to see how I felt. All you had to say I don't have slam jam by Crazy Ace but you took it to far. Crazy Ace was trying to make has life a litter better and you just made a fool out out of your radio station. I will not good to your level. I am a better man then that. The only way I will Stop is you bring me to the station and put me on the air and you can tell everyone what a big fool you and your staff was. And then you can say how sorry you are and you will not hurt any one else. That's what real men do. Not the kid game you played.

WOW! This has been up for at least 7 hours now. For comparison, these things usually read like the following (which is for Google):

Site title for Google.com: Google
Site description: Enables users to search the Web, Usenet, and images. Features include PageRank, caching and translation of results, and an option to find similar pages. The company's focus is developing search technology.

Primary in the 60s, Children Picking Up Toys

Primary in the 60s, Girl and Boy Praying

Primary in the 60s, Children Playing

Primary in the 60s, Mama Bird

Fall is Undecided

This tree likes showing off its colors in the crisp fall air, but also isn't ready to let go of green summer leaves.

Primary in the 60s, God's Care By Night

Mtn DEW: p.s. we do care!

An Anti-Social Inside a Massive Online Social Network Marketing Campaign
As I wrote before, I have been involved in a "consumer panel" (DEWlabs) of sorts with the fine people of Pepsi Co's Mountain Dew marketing and brand team. The brand team was so impressed with my initial zeal for loudly voicing my love for Mountain Dew that they privately asked me to take a lead role in one of their online events and included me on a conference call with their design team. This afternoon I participated in a live chat with the marketing team and a graphic designer that is working on the can design of the new Mountain Dew that is coming this spring.

I have asked one of the head brand team members to answer some interview questions to be published on this blog. They have agreed, and I have sent the questions; but it will probably be weeks before they get back to me. They say this is a very busy time for them.

It has been interesting to see the inside of one of these giant marketing campaigns. I have been picking up on some interesting marketing tactics - more will come on all of this. I plan on writing an expose of sorts on the whole thing.

Here is a question for the masses: do big corporations, like Pepsi Co., really care about the end consumer beyond caring if the consumer is purchasing their product? The whole DEWlabs experience is certainly geared to give the impression that Mountain Dew really cares about us Dew drinkers. At the end of the live chat session, a fellow member thanked the brand team for listening to us users. I quickly chimed in that I agreed adding "since when do corporate big wigs care about the consumer?"

The moderators rapidly shut down the chat session. But, an instant before the window closed, a message flashed from the brand team member I have been in contact with:

"p.s. we do care!"

Primary in the 60s, The Beautiful World

IKEA, the World's Richest and Least Generous Charity

Somehow I knew that only a twisted company would sell me cheap furniture that requires hundreds of assembly steps. I was tipped off to an interesting article from The Economist by my favorite magazine Mental Floss. What follows is an excerpt from an article originally published in The Economist in 2006:

FEW tasks are more exasperating than trying to assemble flat-pack furniture from IKEA. But even that is simple compared with piecing together the accounts of the world's largest home-furnishing retailer. Much has been written about IKEA's remarkably effective retail formula. The Economist has investigated the group's no less astonishing finances.

What emerges is an outfit that ingeniously exploits the quirks of different jurisdictions to create a charity, dedicated to a somewhat banal cause, that is not only the world's richest foundation, but is at the moment also one of its least generous. The overall set-up of IKEA minimises tax and disclosure, handsomely rewards the founding Kamprad family and makes IKEA immune to a takeover. And if that seems too good to be true, it is: these arrangements are extremely hard to undo. The benefits from all this ingenuity come at the price of a huge constraint on the successors to Ingvar Kamprad (pictured above), the store's founder, to do with IKEA as they see fit.

Read the rest of the article at The Economist, IKEA: Flat-pack accounting

Ethics vs. Religion in Government

A reader of my blog posted the following comment the other day. I have read it a few times now, and think it is quite nice. Since I am far too busy right now to post any more than hot one-liners, I thought his essay would make excellent filler... so to speak.

Ethics Vs Religion in Government

It is true that ethics is not a monolithic science of morality. There are numerous different ethical philosophies that contradict and compete with each other regarding what action is most "moral" in a given situation. However, the reason why I feel that ethics has the advantage over religion with regards to moral guidance in politics is that the "underlying belief system" is one that is studied and agreed upon based on some rational thinking.

The most basic underlying belief in ethics seems to be "don't harm others or yourself." This principle makes sense to most people, although, as you correctly pointed out, its application is often far from simple. You cited the example of abortion: does destruction of a fetus constitute harming an "other?" Or does a fetus not qualify for personhood? What about the harm done to the mother, physically and emotionally, by carrying an unwanted child? What about the harm done to her by destroying that child? No easy answers to please everybody here.

Ethics is a moral system based on study, discussion, and rational thinking. Religion is a moral system that usually has answers provided by God, and any study, discussion, and rational thinking that is done is merely to justify or to explain why God's answer is right. This is a more dangerous moral compass for politicians to use, because the foundations of the morality are pretty arbitrary. If you're Mormon, you don't drink coffee. Why? Is it because you think caffeine is a harmful, addictive drug? No, the underlying reason is because GOD SAID SO. That's the same underlying reason for all religious morality. "Thou shalt not kill." Why? Because it's bad to prematurely end the life of another? Well, maybe you do believe that, but ultimately it's because GOD SAID SO.

Don't work on Sundays? What about Saturdays? Don't eat meat on Fridays? Give all you have to the poor? Wear a certain type of clothing? Fast for a month every Spring? Or fast for a day every month? Why do any of these things? Because GOD SAID SO.

The seemingly arbitrary nature of God's laws and commands would make using religion as a political guide paralyzing. If the underlying reasoning behind your moral code is GOD SAID SO, how can you weigh out the more important moral issues from the peripheral ones? Using a Mormon standard, drinking coffee would have to be as illegal as murder since both violate the underlying law of GOD SAID SO.

Yet most people would read this and think, "that's stupid. Even though I am Mormon, I know that murder is worse than drinking coffee." And there you introduce your rational thinking, bringing your own ethical judgment into play. So even within a religious mindset, our beliefs are colored by our own philosophy of ethics. Which leads me back to why ethics is the better political guide - ethics is a more universal approach to morality.

(Copied without permission from Oldbuddysam)

Today, I Resolve

I have decided I am anti-war because I am pro-soldier. Oil will never be worth the life of my friends or family.

The Republican Platform is God's Plan

... and that "other" platform is the devil's. It is that simple, and that black and white.

Tell me people, since when is life so well compartmentalized that the world's political beliefs can be put into one of two categories: Republican (good) and Democrat (bad)? I went to a baby blessing this morning (my brother-in-law's). Afterwords I was listening to a conversation between an old retired scholar and somebody else that basically concluded that God's plan, as given by scripture, describes the Republican political platform. They agreed that the Democratic platform sounded startlingly similar to the plan of the adversary.

I was going to say something, but I was a guest in their house and I have learned my lesson about political disagreements within extended family. What I thought was "Holy cow! Here is somebody else wanting to talk about faith and politics, he is reading (and quoting) from the same scriptures I do, but he has come to a conclusion that is almost exactly opposite mine."

I could go on about how the happiest societies in scripture kept everything in common, I could quote scripture regarding the importance of taking care of your fellow man, and I could share God's plan (consecration) for governing the affairs of the early saints... but after listening to that old fart I realize how annoying it can be.

Here is my million dollar question, still unresolved (at least to me): What role should religion (or morals) have in government? The majority of people are religious... should our leaders represent that? Would it be best for our leaders to be completely void of faith? If there IS a place for religion in government how do we decide what values are important?

The Limit of Our Mind's Eye

What is the most complex thing that you can visualize and manipulate in your minds eye? I have been asking around, and have found responses to be quite variable. Some people have no problem with complex images in 3-dimensions, others can't visualize in 3-d at all. Let's do an exercise to illustrate what I am talking about.

Imagine the following hydrogen molecule. If you can, look it over every which way in your mind. Try to pull the atoms apart. Can you imagine slowly pulling them apart until they split?


Okay, so that is a mental image consisting of two discreet mental objects (spheres). Try the same with the following molecule (water) that consists of three discreet objects.


Now, try with four discreet objects with this nitrate anion.I can easily visualize rotating the previous three molecules in 3-dimensional space. In fact, I seem to be able to visualize and manipulate many different images consisting of up to 4 separate pieces. But, 4 is my limit. When I try to visualize the following square planar molecule, I can only "see" 4 of the objects as I rotate it in my mind. When the molecule is fixed I can visualize them all.

Obviously, our imagination isn't limited to what we can visualize in our minds eye. I can imagine my carburetor (I recently rebuilt a pair of them), and I could probably draw it from memory. But, if I close my eyes I can't "see" all of it. In fact I can only see a small part of it at a time. I can choose what parts of the carb I see, so I know my brain has all the information up there; it just can't handle simulating a visual image of more than a tiny part. So that brings me to a couple of questions (that I don't have the answer to):

What determines the level of visual complexity we can see with our mind's eye?

Do artists, mechanical engineers, architects, etc. generally have an enhanced visualization capability?

Since I can only dynamically process 4 discreet mental objects at a time, and since I know that our brains only process a fraction of visual stimulus from our eyes, does that mean that my brain is only dynamically processing 4 visual objects when I use my regular vision?

Indentical Twin Teeth

My teeth were finally fixed properly this week by a pair of identical twin endodontists, John and Thomas Van Den Burghe (shown above as children). Everything started a decade ago with roller-skating accident (my teeth, his forehead). If I hadn't had braces, I probably would have lost 'em. Since that time, it has been one problem after another. One time, my #10 broke off on a piece of jerky. This last time, I lost it to a red M&M - there wasn't even a nut in it! The root of my chronic problem was in, well, my roots. They had a bad root canal after the accident that had degenerated.


See those dark patches? Those are basically pus-pockets. They run down the root, to a nasty little pool at the root tip. If you look close at my #10 (the one shown above at the right) you can see where it broke off and later where it chipped and was patched.


This is how my teeth looked immediately following the most recent root canal. It is hard to see but there are four layers in them here: something like zinc oxide at the very tip, a rubber root sealing compound, then a layer of bleach, and finally a temporary filling.


After the red M&M incident, the bleach was taken out and these titanium posts were shoved in as far as they could go. There are posts in the other ones too.

I thought the flamboyantly Mormon Dr. Thomas and John Van Den Burghe of South Town Endodontics did a fine job, as evidenced by the x-rays. The identical twin thing really through me for a loop, since both guys worked on me at different times and I couldn't tell who did/said what. But, they did give me what I think is a good deal. I got the retreat on the root canal, the bleaching, the titanium posts, and the final build-up/filling for a little over $600 a piece. Still, that is about $1900 on teeth that have already had thousands spent on them.

Take-home message: take care of your teeth! A small accident, or a bit of neglect can ballon into an astronomically expensive fiasco.

It Has Happened

For the first time I know what it feels like. I look at my daughter and get a lump in my throat; I think of all the milestones and funny things she has done, and realize those sweet days are gone forever.


Princess is pooping in the toilet. We started giving her stickers that she can put up on the potty chart all by herself. In two weeks she was holding (literally) out to get a sticker.

Princess is talking. I ask, "how was daycare?" she says "good." When I come home from work, she usually has a story to tell me in short phrases. "A mom." "A ride." "A car." "Feed the ducks." "A bit me!" "Here, here, here."

Princess, for the first time last night, slept in a big-girl bed. She had been climbing out of her crib, so we figured we had better make the change before she injured herself. She lay there in bed last night, looking at us with big sad but excited eyes - like she was leaving for a long trip from home - and nervously said "Night, night."

How to Gain Weight, and KEEP IT ON!

Chronic weight loss and healthy lifestyle is an epidemic spreading across the US. In spite of children's television programming that encourages kids to sit and watch t.v. for hours and elementary school programs that feed high-calorie lunches to students, children are still getting out and getting fit. While the media isn't entirely to blame, they have played a key role in the problem. We see celebrities rapidly gain weight on television, we see models with bodies digitally edited to put on extra weight not physically possible to the average American. I recently overheard part of a conversation between two college girls at the movie theater "I see Brittany Spears and Jessica Simpson gain weight overnight and I ask myself, 'why can't I do that?'"
Here's the problem: quick-fix diets just don't work in the long run. Rapid-gain diets just aren't sustainable; nobody can eat ONLY fried Twinkies and dark-ale forever. The only real way to consistently gain weight, become more lazy, and get the junkie body you've seen on t.v. - and always wanted - is to institute sustainable changes in your lifestyle. You have to commit to a lifetime of change. Sound hard? It is. But, if you are up to the challenge, if YOU really want to change your life, this article is for you. The few pointers that follow literally saved me from a life doomed by high energy, healthy eating, and physical activity; I know if you follow them, you will be on your way to a totally new you!

• You will hear lots of tips and tricks in your quest for weight gain. The most important part of the program is your ATTITUDE. Perhaps you have heard "attitude is everything," change that to "rationalization is everything." Learn to rationalize your new piggy lifestyle. "If I get a ride to work, instead of biking, I can spend more time with my wife." "There are children in Africa that don't have access to Taco Bell, it would be shameful for me to waste this opportunity." Remember, we are talking about making a whole new you, and that includes the way you think! You have to get into the lazy mindset.
• The two biggest things that lead to weight loss are healthy eating and exercise. Learn to read nutritional labels. Your food selection will play a big part in how successful you are, look for caloric things that you can EAT HIGH VOLUMES of. Chewing a stick of butter just won't work, as this will leave you vomiting - a calorie loss AND a workout. Often, you can substitute fattening foods in the place of healthy ones without sacrificing flavor or selection. Look for things higher in trans-fats and sugar. Go for processed, ready-to-eat foods as these will reduce the amount of physical activity required to eat. At restaurants (and home) pay attention to PORTION SIZE, the more you can eat in a sitting the better. Have somebody drive you to Golden Corral, buffets are great for portion control.
• Regular minimization of physical activity can be seem challenging. "Where will I find the time to be so inactive?" Fortunately, there are ways that you can work inactivity into your everyday routine. Whenever presented with the choice of using the elevator or the stairs, take the elevator. Park as close to the entrance of the grocery store as possible. Try to work inefficiently to fill up the work day - and more - squeezing out any chance of physical activity. Rather than travel, or participate in sports, or hike, or WHATEVER watch that activity on t.v. instead. Find ways to play with your children that require little or no movement "kids, why don't you put on a play for me?"
• Use the Glycemic Index - which ranks foods effect on blood sugar levels - as a guide to more effective weight gain and possible acquisition of diabetes. Choosing foods with a high glycemic index (GI) number will reduce the amount of long-lasting energy the food gives, leaving you ready to gorge again sooner!
• Look for ways to MODIFY A MEAL to make it less healthy. For example, when presented with a salad ADD BACON and SALAD DRESSING. Add whole butter to your toast, whole milk to your cereal, and topping to your popcorn. Ask yourself, "could this be fried?"
• Find a weight-gain buddy. Often a friend can provide critical emotional support when times get tough. The best friend to find is one that requires little effort and zero physical interaction, look for chat partners in online gaming communities. Communicating through an avatar gives you the flexibility to control your image to other people, you can make your cartoon character as large as you wish! I have found using a fat avatar motivating.
• Finally, don't get discouraged when there are set-backs. We all have weeks where we have to be more active than usual; we all get unwanted weight loss with sickness. But, tomorrow is always a new day, fresh and clean. When setbacks get you down, pick yourself up and start again. Never give up! YOU can do this, I believe in you.
  

Joseph Heller Confessions

I flipped through a copy of Something Happened by Joseph Heller at the thrift store today (I noticed it because I am currently reading Catch-22). I saw right away that the previous owner had done some extensive underlining and writing in the margins. I figure this book's last lover was an older woman, deeply depressed, who had an affair with a married man and later got a divorce. Her comments are very personal and sad, so much so I simply had to buy the book and read through them all. What follows is a selection of the most revealing. I give the text she underlines, followed by her comments.

********************************************


I can't face these long weekends anymore and don't know how I survive them. Me too!

I think that maybe in every company today there is always at least one person who is going crazy slowly. Boy, how true!

Nervous breakdowns are more difficult to keep track of than suicides because they are harder to recognize and easier to hush up. (A suicide, after all, is a suicide: there's something final about it. It's the last thing a person does.

... She has not, I think, slept with a married man yet. Good for her. Her grief will start when she does. I know.

Is this really the most I can get from the few years left I have in this one life of mine? Yep! It is the same rut with all of us.

I am often surprised to discover a harder edge to my sarcasms and admonitions than I intended. I wonder if my best friend realizes he is this way (R. V.)

... She felt so lonely at times she turned ice cold and was literally afraid she was freezing to death from the inside... I know what she means, I've experienced it.

... I'm often proud to have her with me. I wonder what it would feel like to be with a man that was proud to be with me.

... She would still be four years older than I am now, short, overweight, and dumpy, probably, and perhaps something of a talkative bore... I wonder if I'm a talkative bore to men, my daughters, and those I think are my friends.


... knew I could have her whenever I wanted to, and didn't have to pay. I'm sick and tired of this! [ripped away]

... pat her softly on the fanny as I pass. Ray is the only man who has ever done this to me. I love it from him. I wonder why my husband never did.

... am silent also with everyone else I know in whom I begin to perceive the first signs of irreversible physical decay approaching infirmity and death. Just like Ray.

Perhaps ... she began to grow old, once I no longer needed her, and she began to need me? I was impatient for her to die. I wonder if my daughters feel this way about me?

I am simply not able to stop myself from saying things to her I know I shouldn't... I was this way to my daughters and I'm so sorry now.

She sits alone in her room for long periods of time doing absolutely nothing but thinking... So do I, until I make myself read.

My voice does have a tendency to get loud whenever I am irritated, frustrated, or attacked. Don't all men? My husband's always did.


Page 138 Boy, this is so true with young people today! It happened in my marriage and caused the break. I am so lonely now. I will always love my daughters and husband, even though they hate me.

You've got me walking on eggs... -just the way it was at my home- I dreaded to go home after work. Why do all marriages end this way - it's so sad - people need love.

I pick them for that, reject them, in fact, in advance, before I even take up with them... This is the only kind of man that ever wants me anymore and I hate it, hate it, hate it!

A man must make a resolution to never reveal anything personal to his wife. And vice versa, my husband always threw things I told him in my face when angry.

********************************************
Well! Reading her comments reminded me how depressed and lonely people can get. This person is(was) a sad bitter woman, just dying for someone to talk to. The take home message, for me, is that I shouldn't take the quality of my life for granted, I should be nice to pretty much everyone (because you never know if they are on edge, as this woman was), and I should never read Something Happened by Heller. It looks to be an effective depression inducer.

Mountain Dew Taste Party

So Mountain Dew's R&D sent me three silver cans bearing only variant numbers to exercise my experienced Dew drinking taste buds on. I received an e-mail out of the blue asking me if I wanted to participate in DEW labs, I took a brief survey in which I revealed the embarrassing amount of DEW I drink... and I was in.

The three testers out, ready to be critically tasted.


Dad thought: #493 (yellow) had a "clean and refreshing taste," #509 ( pink) was "too sweet for me," and #231 (green) was "not good - too artificial with a bitter aftertaste.


Jess, posing with favorite: Yellow was "too sweet, not enough flavor," pink had a "funny aftertaste" and was "too common," but green was "lemon-lime zingy... love the color." Jess's husband, Jason, said that the yellow was "lacking in flavor," the pink "doesn't deserve the name of Mountain Dew," and the green had "bad color but the taste was okay."


Kara and Scott, posing with favorites: Kara thought that yellow had just "slight lemon" and was "not very flavorful," the pink was "strawberry fanta-ish... pretty good," and the green "tastes like regular Mountain Dew, sort of diet." Scott was the best reviewer of all. He had thoughtful things to say about all the flavors... in the end nothing would compare to the classic DEW. He said that the yellow had "less flavor than the rest, less carbonation, no definitively different flavor. HOWEVER, I could drink a whole bottle of this one." The pink "tastes like strawberry-kiwi Shasta, refreshing but familiar, had an aspartame aftertaste." The green had a "very neon color, apple-ish 'green popsickle' flavor - good flavor balance, refreshing."


Bodie Brower, posing with favorite: thought the yellow was "lemon-limey tasting with a fun color," the pink had a "strawberry taste with a hint of coconut?" and the green "doesn't seem flavorful, smells like one thing, tastes like something else." An astute observation Bodie.


The Duchess posing provocatively with her favorite: the yellow was labeled as "Vault intimidator," the pink as "strawberry kick," and the green as "green otterpop-refreshing."

Finally, my own opinion about the new DEW flavors (one of which - according to DEW labs - will become a permanent flavor in the DEW line):
First, I have to say that I think the notion of pawning off a new soda product onto a devoted consumer demographic is kind of cheap, and I think it weakens the DEW brand. Pepsi might do better by introducing their new flavors independently, rather than tied to DEW. All of these World of Warcraft licensed flavors make the brand seem like an immature sell-out to me. I am a devoted DEW drinker, if these new kiddy flavors are making me like DEW less... then what is happening to less devoted consumers? Anyways.

I thought that the color of the pink and green flavors were too bright, like the drink was to be marketed to toddlers. Reminded me of Bug Juice or something. The flavors of the red and green were also too strong. I think they were probably chosen out of the other flavor candidates as two of the three finalists because they taste-test good (if you are drinking just a sip in a line of samples). The problem is they are so strong you feel sick after drinking just a few ounces... and nobody is going to make a repeat purchase of a drink like that. Right after I tasted the pink I wrote "strawberry blast in my mouth," right after the green I wrote "strong scent, weak flavor, kid color, diet aftertaste." Green was definitely the worst for me. The yellow didn't receive a very good initial reaction from me, "no bite, good color" but I warmed to it with repeated tasting. Now, this is a drink I could put back a 64 ounce mugs worth. Still, it wasn't very different than the original DEW, so maybe that's why I like it.

In the end, I was disappointed with them all. The flavor I disliked the least was the only flavor remotely close to the DEW I love. To make things worse now I ask myself "if the people creating these crappy flavors are the same people who created the flavor I love so much, then maybe the original DEW doesn't deserve the high recognition I have given it for so long. Maybe I have just been fooling myself into thinking the Mountain Dew is delicious all this time. Maybe I have just been a pawn of Mountain Dew marketing teams for all of these years..." Naw, that's crazy talk.

On Growing Up

Just moments ago, I was a pimply adolescent. I would lay on the couch in my father's basement and let my eyes slowly glaze over as I watched an endless stream of fuzzy television. I always had a hard time making friends, so spent my time alone. I longed for another life, one where I was popular and did adult things.

Then, I made a couple friends, got out of my shell a bit, and started having fun. Still, I longed to get older, to be able to drive, to earn and spend money, and be with a girl.

Little did I know!

In the blink of an eye I became a father to a two year old girl that goes supernova in our tiny - but ridiculously overpriced - apartment. I have been with a girl, and I can prove it. I have a pregnant wife and all that entails. I never thought about the pregnancy part when I was a teenager. A two year old, an intimidating pregnant wife, and an equally impressive pile of paper work compete for my attention.

In an effort to provide for my family I have been pressed to get an education and maintain gainful employment, but somehow all the money I make ends up being consumed before I even see it!

I have become a compulsive, anxious, workaholic who skirts any additional responsibility and is relieved when church is canceled for a weekend. I drink unhealthy amounts of Mountain Dew, I eat mint Oreos like it was getting me out of school faster, and I occasionally find myself sitting in a 12 step group.

What the fetch happened? Where is the romantic adult life I saw on television?

A Headphone Plug and Car Keys Lost

Princess loves to play with my stereo. She loves to insert DVDs half into the tray on the DVD player, and then shove the thing in a far as it will go. She turns the knob on the receiver up to infinity so that our ears are blasted when we put on some music... that is, back when we could put music on.

We used to always play music into the receiver from our computer. Thing is, Princess also loves to repeatedly insert and remove the audio jack from the plug. I told her "Princess, I don't want you to play with that anymore. I am worried it might get broken." Within an hour, while my back was turned, she had somehow BROKEN THE PLUG INSIDE THE JACK. That's right, the plug snapped right at the insulating divider between the left and right channels, leaving the right channel bit entombed forever inside the jack. Now, no audio jack will ever fit inside... the little right channel piece is blocking it.

Princess loves to play with anything that jingles. She loves to pull spoons out of the drawer and hide them. If the remote control is within her reach, she'll hide it. One time, she hid our new DVD player remote in the garbage can. We only figured it out after the garbage man had come. If we have a lapse in consciousness and leave our keys in her reach, she loves too hide those too. This happened just the other day. We literally tore our house apart looking for them (we only have the one car key... copies cost 90 bucks from the dealership). I took all the food out of the fridge. The Duchess dumped out the garbage cans. I emptied drawers. Nothing.

We had to take the bus to our appointments. We walked to the gas station so I could refill my 32 ounce Mountain Dew mug that has been my companion during hard times.

The next day, I went to ride my bicycle to work and found the keys shoved into the gears of my bike. I probably had my face inches from them several times the night before as I was crawling around the house looking. Think! It is the perfect place to camouflage keys, spiky shiny keys amoungs my spiky shiny gears.

Interview: A Muslim's Perspective on America in Iraq

Faithful readers of my blog know that I am a fan of observing people. What follows today is an interview between myself and a gentleman that I have quietly been observing for over a year. And, I have been impressed. Here is a chap whose example day-in and day-out has seeded a great respect for the faith he represents.

I immediately thought of this guy after I read the response to my post regarding my take on the morality of going to war in the middle east - specifically the comment suggesting that the American Christians and the Middle-East Muslims would never be able to understand each other. His personal history, with chapters as an American, a European, and a Muslim make him the perfect interviewee for the topic at hand.

Q: First of all, tell us a little about yourself
A: I am a German citizen with middle eastern roots, was born and raised in Germany and got to experience two cultures during my childhood, namely the German and the Middle Eastern culture. I have been in the US for almost 5 years now and could claim that I do have an idea about the local Utahn culture. I am fluent in Arabic, English and German and I read a lot. I am Muslim, and very important I am a Muslim by choice. By experiencing different cultures one experiences different religions/beliefs since they are predominantly reflected in cultures (there is a reason why in my opinion one of the nicest people in the US are Utahns). I am a scientist and therefore will not answer in any way through what I learned through books or classes rather than through my experience. Alright, I wish to move on to the coming questions!

Q: I have been investigating different views on the morality of going to war, using Iraq as an example. Based off of what you believe God would have us do, what would have been the best response to 9/11?
A: The answer is simple: investigating! In my opinion it would have been investigating the case! Find out WHO exactly was behind it, find out WHY it happened and find out who is supporting it! Then find a solution within the UN and NATO to adequately respond to these actions. This is the prescribed procedure for all humanities since the revelation of laws to humans. And surprisingly this is the procedure that the West is so proud of. A procedure in which every human being has a right to defend himself and a right to speak out! If I were personally attacked by somebody, I do not go and kill the defendants family or destroy their houses or do the defendant any harm. I will go to an unbiased person and let him judge about us according to the standards in which I am living in. This leads to an INVESTIGATION and then this leads to a CONCLUSION which leads to a just RESPONSE - at least according to the system that we are living in. This unfortunately was never the case back in 2001. WHY this happened was never investigated adequately. It was simply, because Muslims hate the west. Therefore a new enemy was found: Islam and particularly anybody who does not agree with western principles, "you are either with us, or with the terrorist" was the saying said by the president right after the attacks.

Q: Do you think that Al-Qaeda has seriously hurt peoples' perception of the Muslim community? I received an email the other day from a relative that compared the few Nobel prizes won by the large world population of Muslims to the many Nobels won by the comparatively small population of Jews... the bigotry was astounding and embarrassing to see. I actually know one or two people who genuinely seem to associate your religion to terrorism focused on ruining the American way of life. I usually respond to them by saying that every Muslim I personally have known has acted better than most Mormons I know... how would you respond to them?
A: In my opinion, Al-Qaeda itself did not hurt peoples' perception of the Muslim community in the world per se! It is the word "Al-Qaeda" that has been hurting it! But then the word nourishes from the west and spreads fear and terror in the west. Confusing, hey? But, let me explain. Everybody has to sit down and think: who or what is the Al-Qaeda? Undoubtedly it is a terrorist group that wants to destroy the West, right? I agree... this would be the definition I would give as well. But then, how big is Al-Qaeda? Let's put it in numbers? How many members do you think does the organization Al-Qaeda have? You undoubtedly would not find more than 10,000 in the entire world! Yep, I did not forget zeros! Ten thousands... so you can read it in words! Even worse... out of these 10,000 you probably have 9,000 people riding horses, crappy cars, and possessing rusty rifles... so you might think I am exaggerating... but think about it. How equipped are these people, how dangerous are they really? So now think further... the mightiest nation in the world, fears 10,000 camel riders 10,000 miles away? Are you seriously considering them a threat to the nation's security? This is exactly what I mean... people don't fear the organization Al-Qaeda, rather than the word Al-Qaeda that terrorizes people all over the world. Therefore I would not say that the organization hurt peoples' perception towards Muslims... but they undoubtedly started it, which is bad enough. So in essence, you are putting the religion Islam and the organization Al-Qaeda in one phrase... which in my opinion is very bad! 1.2 Billion people suffer from an action that are supported by ten thousand people. This is as if I asked you: justify the action of the American so and so that raped, or killed so and so. You would look at me and say are you crazy? Do you think because mister or miss x did so and so... everybody is so? Right? But here I am, confronted with a question that mentions Al-Qaeda and Islam in the same phrase! How ridiculous!!! Talking about Noble Prizes is childish! If the Noble Prize would truely reflect a human achievement without political influence whatsoever, then ask youself why Mahatma Gandi never received one! But here is a hint of the Islamic achievements in science. Everybody, and I mean everybody! has to learn Algebra! Have you ever asked yourself where it came from or who Al-Gaber was... oooh, now it sounds more Arabic putting it in that twist ;)

Q: One reader has commented that the divide between Americans and middle-eastern Muslims, or even European Muslims, is so great that we will never really understand each other. Do you agree?
A: I don't think so. History has proven that it is possible... and if you visit a local mosque and see that in a little tiny building people from all over the world understand the same principles without explanation, you ask yourself why not on a bigger scale. The answer is clear... too much politics too much power possessed people.

Q: I think that many Americans don't understand the way the outside world feels about us. If it were possible to measure what the average German thought about Americans, what do you think they would say about our government and culture? What do you think the average middle-eastern Muslim would say?
A: European's view: Well the answer about the government depends greatly on who is in power. But I can tell you, that the government suffered a lot from its reputation in the last 8 years. But it gains a lot of reputation now. So let's hope it stays like that. As for the culture, I think a lot of people admire the liberty and freedom in the US. However, people think that it has too much patriotism build in its culture.
A: Middle-Eastern View: They love Obama! I am not kidding! Him going to Egypt before visiting European countries just rocked over there! The fact that his second name is Hussain and the fact that his lineage is Islamic affiliated just does good to them! Middle Eastern there admire the "American Way of Life". If they could, they would all pack their luggage tomorrow and join your culture! So think about it and the perception you guys have that people there want to destroy the West! As proof, look at the Emirates, Saudi-Arabia and so on. They are trying to copy your way of life one-to-one! Just Google how many American universities are opening satellite campuses in Qatar! 5 top universities are opening campuses over there... with the exact same syllabus and the same mentors (http://www.pbs.org/now/shows/420/). But of course the Iraq war did destroy a lot of American reputation... but since Obama you guys are on the fly over there... in general at least!

Q: In response to another reader's comments, do you think that providing aid to Muslims in the middle east post-9/11 really would have been negatively received? Why or why not?
A: No I don't think so. But then it depends on, with what intention this help is based on. Because 9/11 was not supported or organized by the 1.2 Billion minus the ten thousand Muslims. Muslims don't need financial aid... the Arabic countries are one of the richest in the world! It is not aid... it is justice in the world by the most powerful nation that was and still is required.

Q: Now that we are really dug into Iraq, what would be the best thing for America to do?
A: That's a complicated question. And if I knew the answer I would nominate myself for being the Foreign minister :) All I can say is, if I get shot then removing the bullet from my body and recovering from it will be a very very painful process, independent of who shot me! All I hope is, that the surgery takes place soon so people can live in peace, maybe not today or in 10 years. But maybe in 50 years! And I do not only mean Iraqis, I mean US soldiers as well as Iraqi civilians!

Q: Finally, earlier this year you were quoted in the newspaper but your words were cropped and taken out of context. I won't do that to you here! Is there anything you would like to share from your Muslim world across the insurmountable cultural divide to the Christian community?
A: First of all ,thank you for letting me write for your blog! I really appreciate that... maybe President Obama will read this sometime :) and then maybe I will make it to be a member of his administration :) No, seriously thank you! I have a lot to say about what I would love to share, but I don't have that time and you guys are probably bored anyways. But there is one thing I would love to point out: All these questions asked put me in the defendant's position. Isn't it ridiculous that I have to defend my religion? I had to defend, why we are not terrorists, why Al-Qaeda is not representing Islam, why I am a Muslim and to prove that I am not a monster that wants to kill and destroy everybody in my surrounding? Not a single question was asked in which I could just explain how beautiful Islam really is. How I feel being a Muslim from a HUMAN point of view not from Political point of view. Why is it, that everybody is innocent until proven guilty but in the Muslim case it is guilty until proven innocent?

Note: I think my the interviewee makes an excellent point here. I have invited him, if he wishes, to submit an essay for publishing on the blog outlining his feelings on "...just how beautiful Islam really is," and how he feels about "...being a Muslim from a HUMAN point of view." I think that it would be insightful to all of us.

"This Site Has Been Hacked!"

HAHAHA!!! Foolez, you have b3en hACKeD by tUrkish_BoZZ_311! I own you.

I hAve bin piping all KeyBord from UR compy 4 all deez weeks! M0RM@N $C13NT1$T, UR a BAGBITIng W@NK3R! L@@K at What KEELOG tell$ me:

*************KEELOG v3.2.x*************
HOST IP: 24.132.224.45
Connect... DOHC
Piped?... YES

20_08_2009 08:17:23
[Window: FireFox]
[Window: FireFox - New Tab http://www.pandora.com]
[Window: FireFox - New Tab http://www.theonion.com]
[Window: FireFox: The Onion: Search Box: "Oprah Winfry" *return*]
[Window: FireFox: The Onion: Search Box: "FDA Salmonila" *return*]
[Window: FireFox: The Onion: Search Box: "Boy Scout Free Exams" *return*]
[Window: FireFox: Pandora: Search Box: "India.Arie I am Not my Hair"]

[Open: Thunderbird e-mail client]
[Window: Thunderbird: UN: "lifeasatool" PW: "herb3110" *return*]
[Window: Thunderbird - New Message]
[Window: Thunderbird: New Message: "Hey Dude" *tab* "Hey dude what's up? Do you still want to hit up the Pie for lunch today?" *tab* *return*]
[Close: Thunderbird e-mail client]
.
.
.
.
.
******************************************

WY D0NT Yu0 do S0M3 W%RK @ W*rk DUDEZ? WhY you N33D to chCK UR e-MAILs EV^RY 10 S3C0nds? M0RM@N: U NeeD to GET TO WORK! UR ONLINE ALL DAY! I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU SITTING THERE STARING AT YUR SCREEN WITH SWEATING FINGERS AND GLAZED EYES. GIV ME SUMTHIN TO HACK ABOUT! THIS SUX I AM L3AV1NG TO HACK SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY DOES SOMETHING ALL DAY!!! ARE jpgmag.com, theonion.com, reuters.com, wolframalpha.com THE ONLY SITES ON THE INTERNET????? TRY SOMETHING NEW!!!

H@KERZ UNITE @GA1N$T W@NK3RZ

What if "Christian" was a political platform?

If a political party's platform was based off of what Christ teaches, what would the platform be like?

I don't know that Jesus said much about politics. International policy, gerrymandering, and "Yes, WE CAN!" bumper stickers seem to be left right out of the Bible. What we do know is what Jesus taught us about handling ourselves, and a bit about how God handles us. There are a couple times when the Pharisees provoked a political sounding comment from Jesus "render unto Cesar what is Cesar's..." but not enough to flesh out a political platform.

Still, some general principles come to mind.

"Love thy neighbor" and "Judge not lest ye be judged" seem to go hand in hand to me.

"Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you" and "turn the other cheek" also seem to go hand in hand.

Taking care of people and having mercy is far more important than money. Think of the parable of the debtors. I am not saying money isn't important - it is, we couldn't get by without it - but it is not more important that caring for others.

Okay, now lets apply these doctrines to a political issue.
*WARNING, everything that follows is my opinion on what political actions I think would be more Christian than others. There is a good chance that YOU, the reader, might have different political views than I do. You may feel offended and think that I am calling you un-Christian since you voted for so-and-so or support some policy I disagree with. Just keep in mind that if you find yourself disagreeing with me then you are simply wrong.

Just kidding, but try not to be offended. I know tons of really good Christians that sharply dissagree with me.

The war in Iraq. I think the Christian thing to do would be the polar opposite of what we have been doing. If there is a group of people (Al-Qaeda) that think that Americans are group of war-mongers and money-lovers only interested in themselves, then we as Americans need badly to work on our image. There is a reason terrorists can convince sweet Muslim mothers to send there precious children to be blown up in the name of Allah. The terrorists are far outnumbered by the friendly Muslims. They win them over with propaganda. If the regular Muslims didn't have a good reason to believe the propaganda, then they wouldn't sacrifice their life for our destruction.

What should we have done? After 9-11 we should have beefed up our domestic security (after all, we do need to protect ourselves) and then launched a giant counter-propaganda campaign. We should have gone into these mountain villages and built them schools, mosques, and infrastructure to show them that we respect their point of view. The middle eastern Muslim world needs to know that we are not the way we are portrayed in terrorist propaganda. The best way to ward off terrorism is by being a good international neighbor.

As it played out, Al-Qaeda painted a bleak picture of us Americans, attacked us, and - rather than turning the other cheek - we strengthened their bad image of us by "shocking" and "awing" in Iraq. Instead of "being the bigger man" we stooped to their level. Think about the anti-Muslim propaganda that was spread by the US media, the phone tapping, the water-logging, and the withholding of prisoners without trial. Think of the mess at Guantanamo. The US has been doing this... I wonder why we aren't liked?

Think for a moment of the money spent killing people in Iraq, nearly a TRILLION dollars. What if a quarter of that went to securing our borders from future attack, and another quarter went to improving our image to Muslims in the middle east? The other 500 billion dollars could be put to good use, like rescuing social security.

Think for a moment that top officials in Bush's circle have stepped forward and admitted that the connection between Al-Qaeda and Iraq was fabricated. Why did we go over there? Why have thousands of lives, including a friend of mine, been lost? Was it for the boost that war has to our economy and the security of having a friendly oil-rich foreign government is the middle east? Did it put money at a higher value than human life? Was it Christian?

There is platform point number one: No violently attacking people. Self-defense is good. Persuading others through gentle means is good. Using war as an economic boost or for revenge is bad.

Thanks for the visit, Dad

Received this e-mail from our unborn baby, thought it was worth sharing.

To: lifeasatool@gmail.com
From: kicker375@wombnet.com
Subject: Thanks for the visit

Dear Dad,

It was nice for you and Mom to finally see me the other day. I was super anxious for you guys to find out that I am a boy. Just thought I'd jet you an email to let you know I was happy to meet you. I am especially glad that you brought my new big sister. Well, I look forward to being born. You guys seem nice.

Love,

Atticus


To: kicker375@wombnet.com
From: lifeasatool@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Thanks for the visit

Baby Boy,

It was a pleasure to meet you too! Mom and I were thrilled to learn that you are well, and that you are a boy. Big sister was excited too, but she doesn't really understand yet. I want you to know that we are excited for your arrival and extended stay with us. We have a nice room set aside for you. It's small, but nothing to turn your nose up at.

Later,

Dad

To: lifeasatool@gmail.com
From: kicker375@wombnet.com
Subject: Re: Re: Thanks for the visit
Attachments: Ultrasound_4.jpg

Dad,

It was good to hear from you! I am glad that you and Mom are excited for my stay. I just want to make sure that you know what you are getting into. There are several specific needs I have that need to be met if my visit is going to be mutually fulfilling.

I just don't want you guys to be unpleasantly surprised.

I am used to a climate that stays in the high 90s with 100% humidity. I know you can't replicate that at home, but anything that can be done to keep me warm would be appreciated. Also, my diet consists of mainly glucose, various proteins, and vitamins delivered directly to my blood plasma. Since nutrient transfusion won't be possible I can eat orally, but you'll have to start me off with breast milk or formula for at least 6 months.

As I get older there will be an unending laundry list of expenses on top of the cost of diapers. Just FYI.

Love,

Atticus

p.s. I attached a photo of myself for you and Mom.

***The following attachment has been scanned by McAfee and been found clean***

To: kicker375@wombnet.com
From: lifeasatool@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Thanks for the visit

Dear Baby Boy,

Don't worry about a thing, I promise we wont be unpleasantly surprised. We have been through all of this with your big sister. Actually, your Mom and I are more worried about how she'll handle the attention vacuum when you arrive.

As for the parenting duties you have outlined, we are prepared for that and much more. We are aware of your dietary needs. Not only will we start you off right, but as you grow to be a toddler we'll try to feed you lots of colorful veggies so that you can develop into a strong young man. When your older, I'll take you with me to restaurants like the Bombay House, Sawadee, the Sushie Bar, and others so that you can experience food across the gamut. That way you will know that there are other things to eat besides mac and cheese, meat and potatoes, and green jello.

Mom and I will change your diaper and clothes as needed. You'll have your own special blanket and pajamas so that you will be warm at night. With a stuffed animal you can snuggle up to my warm chest as I rock you to sleep. All of these things help a baby boy like you to feel secure and loved.

As for the finincial expenses... you will always have what you need, that I can assure you. Though, you might not always get what you want. Part of growing up is to recognize the difference between needs and wants and what it means to earn something. Don't worry, I'll teach you all about it. Hopefully, your Mom and I can instill in you a sense of what really is important in life; things like family, and God, and doing good, and accepting others for who they are. At root, the important things in life have nothing to do with money.

Speaking of God, as you get older you will realize that your Mom and I are passionate about our particular beliefs - our Creator and our purpose on Earth. We'll take you to church with us when you are little, tell you how we feel about religion and teach you everything we can. But, I want your beliefs to be your choice, not mine. That means that eventually you will have to question the faith that your Mom and I belong to, you'll have to explore other religions. Eventually, you can make your own educated and careful choice about what God is to you. Whatever you ultimately decide, Mom and I will love you. When it comes to religion, the only advice I can give you is to seek after truth wherever you can find it, use your brain and heart as tools, make patient well thought out choices, and have a flexible open mind.

Last of all baby boy, I will be your parent and your friend. I will take you hiking and fishing. We'll go see the monster truck rally and the new James Bond movies, it is cool to be a guy. But, I will also show you that it is cool to do other stuff like sew or craft or dance. I'll teach how to stick up for yourself at school and what to say to a girl. I'll tell you no when I think it is for your good and I'll set boundaries. These things are hard as they happen, but you'll realize I did it because I cared down the road; and that is more important. If I need to, I'll ground you.

Basically, what I am trying to say is that I am going to be the very best parent I can be... because I love you like only a parent can.

Love you (and we haven't even met!),

Dad

Only the Best Wedding Cake Ever

Found this picture of the wedding cake my sweet aunt made for my wife and I eight years ago. Looks delicious doesn't it? It was.

Time Out

"Time Out!" I say looking over at Mom. "A time out, Dad" I repeat looking at my other parent who just stares blankly back at me in my high-chair.

You know, the problem with being two is this damned lack of cooperation between my mind and tongue - not to mention the coordination issues. Parents just don't understand. They treat us toddlers like incapable retards, talking about us while we are within earshot and making decisions for us and sometimes flat out laughing at us when our physical and speech challenges manifest themselves. Enough is enough.

"TIME OUT!" I yell.

Mom and Dad started giving me some alone time after I kept dumping out my drinks at the dinner table (not on accident, just because it looks cool). They will release me from my high-chair straps that confine me like a loony to her mental hospital bed, and perch me on my own special chair (without straps) in the corner. The first time they did it it kind of pissed me off. Who were they to rip me away from the dinner table and my water experiment?

"Daddy! Time out, Daddy!" I repeat. I soon learned to appreciate these time-outs from my parents. You can only take so much adult dribble. It is so dry. Where are the songs and flashy colors? My parents mainly dress in earth tones... why would I want to look at that? And, they tend to just talk to each other about themselves and what is going on at work and what is going on at home while Dad is at work and blah and blah and blah. Do we have to be so mundane?

Eventually I learned to just ask for the time out, "Time out pease." Daddy picks me up, releases me from my prison chair, and frees me to the solitude of the time out corner. I think he is catching on to me. He says "Now, this isn't really a time out. You didn't do anything wrong. But, if you want some alone time in the corner, you may." Sucker! Of course it is a time out, a time out from him and his pompous science talk. How much of that can a baby take? Mom just provokes him with "How was your data today?" and "What did you find with those quantum dots?" and she nods her head interjecting canned generic comments to show she is listening, but her and I know she is just sucking up to Dad. Duh.

I close my eyes and rest the back of my head onto the cool cinder block wall of the time out corner. Finally, some peace.

Old Farm Reunion

Goose said that there was going to be an old-fashioned get together with all the rest of barn yard animals. It can be hard for a ram, his ewe, and their lamb to get out of the city but I thought “Why not?” and “Eventually, you have to set your priorities.”

We settled onto a pile of straw and manure in the back of a dusty pick up for the long ride to Montana. Montana isn’t exactly a place that I’d call home, Ewe and I consider ourselves more city sheep now, but it is a good place for a barn yard animal reunion. The old crow rode with us and we had a fine time.

As we pulled in to the yard, all the memories of farm life as a lamb came back in contrast with things as they are now, and how things really must have been back in the day. The old crow sat down by the slightly less old rooster who sat down by the speckled duck (married into the family) who was next to the glossy pink pig and her hairy bore husband while the hens cackled in the kitchen… one with her head cut off, the other just acting like it. Other animals milled in and out squeezing in some prepared witty comment or casually showing off a new gadget.

The glossy pig sputtered on about this physical ailment and that surgery and how she had lost weight while the bore sat in his camouflage hunting shirt looking at the ground silent. The rooster sat dissociated and contemplative while the old crow cooed away about his garden. I settled in trying to act cool in front of the animals while not acting fake in front of the Ewe.

It’s funny how animals change or stay the same. For as long as I have known the glossy pig she has made conversation about weight loss and various physical ailments. Goose on the other hand has evolved ever since I have known her from free spirited rascal bird to embarrassed parent to responsible parent to devout Christian parent. The old crow has grown older, more resolved, and accomplished. I have grown from little lamb bleating “watch me” and receiving hoof-claps to a young ram with a lamb of my own. I have Ewe to boss me around and all I want to do is sit down with a book and relax.

It was nice to get together at the old barn and feel what being part of a farm is like again. We gossiped about the animals that couldn’t make it and jealously clung to our yard sale finds. The fox is having trouble with so-and-so and is back on the juice, the cat’s one kitten is back on her paws off the dope but the other one is in the pen. The rooster snatched a book from under the old crow’s nose at a yard sale, but the crow got back by finding some books of his own. I was calm and content. I found some toys for my little lamb, skipped the big activities to relax, tried to schmooze with my older relatives and that was enough.

Outdoors: Local Man Survives Camping with Family

Local Man's tent mates

"As I laid there between my between my pregnant wife and two year old daughter - both of whom had vomited in the last 30 minutes - I knew this wasn't Boy Scouts anymore"

The man noted after a recovering from the eye-opening weekend. The worn out camper has seen some fun outings in his day. Backpacking into the High Uintas, freezing off his nards in icy scout camp waters, and roughing it out in the desert as well as ice caves.

"When I was just a boy Dad, Brother, and I drove off into the deserts of Moab to camp with my aunt Shelece. We roughed it out in the hot red dirt: no toilets, no manicured camp spot, no grill, nothing. I slept out under the stars next to my favorite people and a big round flowering cactus."

When the man was Boy Scout age he got along classically with his mates. They tried to sneak up on moose. They smoked home-made grape bark stoogies, blew up cans of easy-cheese, and maced a squirrell. But, he always slept alone.

"It was hard to start tenting with someone else. It requires some flexibility and compromise. They track in dirt, produce poopy diapers, and occasionally vomit on you."

The new family trips recall memories from when the man was a child. Back then, his family was tight. Mom would plan regular camping trips with extended family and the neighbors. The children would run around while their parents instinctively called out "Don't!" from the weathered camp chairs they sat in. Dad would cuss as he set up a difficult two room tent.

Family camping back in the day.
(From Left to Right): Scott, Laura, Jessica, and Local Man.
Mom and Dad are in the back.

This writing was on back of the photo...

"I believe that tent collapsed on us in the middle of the night on more than one occasion," sighed the local man as he shook his head. "Now the family camping trips I take are with the in-laws and I am known as uncle. I am the one cracking border-line jokes and lounging around in a beat up camping chair of my own. It is a whole different game. I am chasing after my daughter to hose her off in a nasty camp shower."

Princess celebrates two years

When asked if there was anything good about the trip, and would he do it again: "Oh, Hell yes! There is a certain amount of fun rolled up into being miserable out there. We celebrated Princess's two-year birthday with cake and family, got some good camcorder footage, and teased neighboring families."

Aux Audio Input for 2005 Toyota Corolla

This afternoon I removed the stereo from my 2005 Toyota Corolla, took it apart, and soldered my own auxiliary audio input onto the stereo circuit board. It took me forever to figure out where to solder the wires and routing the cable out of the stereo was tricky. But, it was worth it. RF transmitters don't seem to work well in my car and purchasing a kit to add an aux input is expensive ($60-$100 bucks on eBay). My solution works perfectly; I ended up soldering my jack to the same place that the input from the factory CD player is.

For detailed instructions on how to do this yourself, check out the eHow article I wrote on it.

I took a little victory ride when I was done. "I am not my hair" by India.Arie never sounded so good.

The Reconning of Solar Noon and Clock Noon

Being a creature of habit, I walk back from from my grilled ham and cheese lunch across the chemistry building patio at almost exactly the same time every day. At precisely 1:33 PM according to my cell phone, the sun shines directly down on the patio so that it passes through the quarter inch gaps in the cement pads down to the patio base about 2 feet below. Since the sun is at an angle in the sky, and the light shines through their entire length the gaps must run exactly north and south. And, since the light shines directly down with no shadow 1:33 must be solar noon.

Why does solar noon appear at 1:33 instead of 12:00?
First, daylight savings offsets my clock from the solar clock by an hour from 12:00 pm to 1 pm. The other 33 minute discrepancy comes from the way that time zones are defined. Time zones are wide enough that solar noon can vary quite a lot within them. However, for every time zone there is a zonal meridian defined by a certain longitude that has solar noon exactly corresponding to clock noon on a certain day of the year, the vernal equinox. It happens that I am located about 8 degrees in longitude west of my zonal meridian, accounting for the ~30 minute delay.

But, this raises an interesting question.

Why should the time of solar noon fluctuate throughout the year? Sure, it makes sense that the number of hours of daylight would fluctuate, but the hour at which they are centered? I used an online calculator to figure the time of solar noon where I am at and it comes as early as 12:10 in the fall and as late as 12:41 in the winter. The answer took some digging.

Each day the earth has rotated about its axis one time, and proceeded 360/365.25 degrees in its orbit around the sun. That means that for the sun to appear in the exact same some spot in the sky the earth has to rotate a bit more than once (~1 degree) each day, as shown in the exaggerated diagram above. Earth clocks are set so that 24 hours accounts for both of these affects (rotation about our axis and orbit). This system would provide a consistent time of solar noon were not for two competing astronomical complexities.

The dominating effect is Earth's elliptical orbit around the Sun; during the winter we are slightly closer to the sun than in the summer. According to the law of conservation of angular momentum, if an orbiting object comes closer to its axis of rotation its speed must increase (think of the spinning skater drawing her arms in). So, in the winter our speed around the sun is slightly faster than in the summer, meaning that the earth has to rotate about its axis a bit farther than usual to put the sun at noon high. Said another way, it takes a little longer than 24 hours to put the sun high in the sky during the winter. Clock time is based off of the average length of a solar day, so these deviations from the average accumulate during certain times of the year.

The other affect comes from the tilt of Earths rotation with respect to the orbital plane, and counteracts to a certain extent the result of Earths elliptical orbit. Explaining it requires more geometrical diagrams than I want to create. But you can get a sense of the idea by thinking of the spinning teacup ride at the amusement park, where your cup (Earth) spins on an axis of its own as it orbits the central drive (Sun) connected to all of the cups. The fun of the ride is that it accelerates and decelerates you over and over. The same thing happens on earth. During the night we travel due to Earth's spinning in in the same direction we move around the sun, during they day it is opposite. So objects on Earth's surface, except the poles, actually speed up and slow down every 24 hours. But, the magnitude of this (with respect to the sun) depends on your latitude and how high the sun gets in the sky at noon (which varies with the seasons). It is a combination of Earth's elliptical orbit and axis tilt that causes the drift in solar noon with respect to clock noon.

*Note, the diagrams shown here are my own creation. Feel free to use them, just mention thistoolslife in the image credits.

How Much Money Can You Really Make on eHow?

eHow.com is stocked with user generated articles written in "How To:" format. The authors of the articles get a share of the ad revenue generated by their articles. An alternative to writing for eHow directly, is writing for DemandStudios.com. DemandStudio supplies content to eHow.com and many other sites similar to it. They commission the writing of articles for $15 a peice, publish them under the writer's name, but keep the royalties. It's a good business model since most articles will generated much more than $15 over their lifetime, and it's good for writers since they don't want to bet on the sucess of their articles and don't want to wait years to make 15 bucks off their work.

30 days ago I began writing for DemandStudios and eHow.com. Curious how they would compare with eachother, I have tracked the success of my eHow articles to compare with DemandStudios.
By day 13 I had written a total of 11 articles for eHow.com (~1 per day), after which I just sat back and watched my stats. I averaged 28 cents per day, or 2.5 cents per article per day. If my royalties continue, then that would amount to $102 over the space of a year ($9 per article per year). It would take 2 years for an article to make $15 bucks. I researched the topics I wrote for eHow by checking which title and article keywords were in the highest demand by advertisers, and how much traffic they generate.

In contrast, I wrote 8 articles for DemandStudios and made $130 in the last 30 days. I like writing flat-fee for DemandStudios because I can write about topics (that they choose) without worrying about keyword use. For example, I wrote an article titled "How to use volumetric titrimetry" that was super easy for me to write but I don't think would generate good ad revenue. Each DemandStudios article takes me about 30 minutes to write. But, you have to apply to work for DemandStudios, provide writing samples, and what you write has to clear an editor.

Worlds within Worlds

In the first set of images shown here is a black speck clinging to a thread of spider web that I saw on my walk over to the scanning electron microscope. I had an extra stub with me, so I thought "Why not?"

The sphere in the second set of images showed up on a sample I was examining for my research. I am not sure where it came from, there were about 10 of them in all. It is 40 microns across (1 micron = 1 thousandth of a millimeter).

Black Speck 150X (the whole thing is about half a millimeter across)


Black Speck Detail 3000X

Black Speck detail 4000X

Black Speck Spider Web detail 13000X

Sphere 200x

Sphere 5,000X

Sphere 19,000X

Sphere 200,000X

Capitol City Park Witnesses Firework Confusion

"It happens every year."

Capitol City park has been hailed as "the central park of capitol city." But, she wasn't chosen to host the city's fourth of July fireworks display.

"It's so stupid. It has been here in the past, everybody thinks it should be here every year, so why change it?" the park commented as a crowd of just over 300 was leaving her lawn disappointed. "I knew it would happen! I hosted the fireworks in '04. If you Google 'fireworks capitol city', the first listing is titled 'fireworks start at 10 pm in Capital City Park'. Granted, that's the listing appearing from five years ago but nobody really reads beyond the first few words of a search result anyways."

Not everyone was disappointed by the surprise that the fireworks were being displayed at a different location. A gentleman who was there working on a queer type of sociological experiment commented that he had shown up simply to watch the reaction of crowd. "I was here a few hours before sundown," said the experimenter with a condescending tone, "people were setting up blankets and battered camping chairs to save their spots. I knew that the fireworks were planned for the ritzy park on the east bench, I just figured that these people knew something I didn't know. Like, maybe this spot on the grass gives a really good view of them being lit off far away."

But the spot isn't good for watching the fireworks far away. The experimenter returned after sundown with Chinese takeout and nestled into the crowd of people looking over the pond of the wrong park. A group of teenagers swung glowing bracelets for sale, a drunk man swaggered around stopping to talk to people as he stood like an out field baseball player (you know, squatting with his hands on his knees), and young couples schmoozed on blankets in the grass.

Both park and experimenter waited and watched blossoming fireworks make themselves known behind the obstructing trees. Soon the entire crowd overcame their confusion and exasperation; they trudged off laughing at what a silly mistake they had made and how they should have realized that there would have been a larger crowd at the right place. It would be hopeless to try and make it to the right park now.

"That new east bench park takes all the good visitors," sighed the park glancing over at the drunk and the smug experimenter, "but like all fads it can't last."

"You can't blame city planners for moving the show there. Its up on the bench overlooking the city lights, geese paddle in the pond, and the landscape is bowled like a natural stadium. Plus, this place attracts too much riff-raff," noted the experimenter as he eyed the drunk wandering and the dingy park, "plus the jerks here stole my camera!"

FRIEL from IKEA, my personal Hell

This heavy piece of furniture is the FRIEL media storage "solution" from IKEA. It is regularly priced at $179. However, since it is being discontinued I picked it up yesterday for $49. Looks pretty nice, right? I had a just cleared a space to put it together as the clock struck midnight. Here is what I found when I opened the box...

Yep, thats 144 pieces to screw together by hand. The cheap bastard side of me loves IKEA; the sensible father, worker, husband who would like to get to sleep at a decent hour hates the Swedish retailer. I finished just after 2:30. One of the door latches doesn't work properly.

Empty Spaces

What about leaving a home behind gives the feeling of something being lost? The Duchess says that it is the fear that the memories made there will be forgotten. She should know. Duchess took a full semester of college writing that focused on the connection between "place" and "self".

I say that our essence permeates walls the way the scent of our food stains carpet. After enough time, provided that enough depth of emotion was experienced in a place, the structure becomes a part of us.

I spent last Monday and Tuesday moving an obscene amount of junk from our old apartment across town and up three flights of stairs to our new pad. Wednesday was spent alone from dawn until long after dark by scrubbing the place down, leaving it looking naked and strange. By 3 a.m. I was so delirious with the inhalation of oven cleaner and ammonia and lack of sleep I was genuinely sad to let the dump go. The place contained the whole life of my beautiful daughter, fights that had escalated to the throwing of things, and the make up that comes after. We had forged many cross-cultural friendships with our neighbors and had hardened to the used boat and strip club part of town. It was a growing time.

My family had just enough time to get our stuff thrown into the new apartment before we went out of town for my sister's wedding. I lost an apartment, Dad lost a daughter, and my sister lost her childhood home and innocence. I gained a place close to school with a new bedroom for the baby on the way, Dad gained total control of his house, and my sister gained a whole new life. The Duchess and I just got home hours ago to our new house, with its floor so concealed by boxes that one could calculate the square footage by multiplying the number of boxes by their bottom dimensions. With the baby in bed now, and my wife asleep, I can't wait to initiate the new place. So, I set up the trusty computer to catch up on a week's worth of digital absence and send my story into the oblivion.

I wont miss it, but I hate to see it go.

A Beautiful Green Lie

Grocery stores across the world devote aisles to products labeled by the USDA as “Organic”. Being grown, manufactured, and packaged without the contact of synthetic chemicals earns a bit of fruit a small green circular label¹, a royal price, and a whole lot of hype.

Organic producers and devoted supporters imply their products have added safety and health benefits “an organically cultivated pepper will be healthier and more nutritious than a conventionally cultivated pepper . . . chefs working in the highest caliber restaurants prefer organic ingredients to conventionally grown ingredients.”² They exercise fear marketing: “Due to a poor testing program for imported foods, these banned chemicals [pesticides] come back to our dinner plates and into our bodies via the deadly "Circle of Poison" unless we shift to an organic diet.”³ And, they say organic food tastes better “Organic Foods Taste Better. Taste is hard to quantify, but science does tell us that organic foods do have higher levels of vitamins, minerals and beneficial nutrients than conventional foods. It only makes sense that food grown in soil that has been nourished and cared for is more nutritious and will end up tasting better.”³

Pro-organic food propaganda is rampant. Jamba Juice sells a book that swears that organic wheat grass contains more “light” energy (light in the sense of what comes out of the sun) than any other food. A Google search shows over three hundred pages published in the 24 hours previous to the posting of this article.

The problem with pro-organic writing is that when it comes to testable facts, like most propaganda, it is almost completely false. The organic movement has so much publicity and momentum that the truth is buried in the lies, at least on the internet. To resolve the matter one must mull through the library willing to dig through and read piles of scientific peer-reviewed articles and scholarly books.

One of the key factors of risk forgotten in the claims made above is dose and background exposure. It is true that if you try really hard you can detect pesticides on conventional food and that if you try even harder you can find some percentage (~75%) less pesticide on organic food. However, the amount of pesticide on conventional food is so low it is entirely insignificant, very difficult to detect, practically zero. Practically zero and one fourth of practically zero are both still almost zero; though there is more pesticide on regular food there still is no risk. The number of cases where an individual is known to have gotten sick from pesticide residue on food is zero.⁴ Further, it should be remembered that we are only talking about “synthetic” pesticides here. Pesticides which may be found naturally in plants are approved for limited use on organic food.

Natural/organic definitely does not equal safe or better, and even organic food is made up off 100% chemicals. Chemical has become a misunderstood byword these days. Cobra venom is 100% natural and organic, so is deadly night shade. Your typical tomato contains trace chemicals that you would gasp at the thought of eating if you saw them in a laboratory bottle. Apples contain trace levels of cyanide, as do many nuts. And, the concentration of “non-natural” pesticide residue on food is measurably less than many of the “natural” chemicals in produce known to the state of California to cause cancer. Again, remember dose is everything! We eat these things everyday with out ill effect because the dose is so small.

As for nutrition, study after study published in scientific journals over the years has confirmed that organic produce is roughly equivalent in nutrition to conventional produce. But wait! Google says “official: organic really is better,” and it says it thousands of times. What Google is finding is the result of one study, contradicting a sea of others, which has been repeated a zillion times. The root source of all the repetition appears to be a UK TimesOnline article⁵ reporting on the research of union funded scientists… and the Times doesn’t disclose the title or journal in which the research was published. Researchers with certain political or monetary motives are often excellent at using statistics to their end. Read up on the removal of the anti-nausea drug Bendectin from the market⁶, a prime example.

There are two types of people who spread false and half-truth rumors about organic food. There are well intentioned folks who think that they are making themselves, their families, and their neighbors families healthier (but are ignorant, believing what they find online and in forwarded emails), then there are the inventors of the half-truths… the people who stand to gain from them.

The organic food market is hot. Organic food sales amounted to 40 billion dollars in 2007. Growers and their representatives see the market direction and profit spreads. Put yourself in their shoes, you could grow big apples that you spray with pesticides and fertilize synthetically that sell for cheap or you can grow small apples without spraying or fertilizing and sell them for two to four times the price. Even better, you could grow your apples almost exactly the same way as you always have but play a little game of semantics and call your new method organic. The food market bosses are smart; they know organic food isn’t really better. They are simply doing their job, maximizing shareholder profits. They lobby for slight revisions to the USDA’s organic guidelines, to allow this almost natural pesticide or that semi-organic fertilizer to get the green organic circle on their product with as little real effort as possible. The USDA organic program records are full of these types of amendments.¹

I’ll close with a story. Recently I was a judge at a big science fair where the best high school students in the intermountain west, winners of regional contests, competed for scholarships and a nod to go to nationals. I judged a young woman’s research paper, 20 pages or so long, titled “Pesticide Residue on Conventionally Grown Vegetables vs Vegetables Grown Organically on a Montana Farm.” Her hypothesis was of course that conventionally grown vegetables, peppers I believe, would have higher pesticide residues than those her family grows and sells as part of an organic co-op. She rambled on in the introduction about the benefits and added safety of organic produce. However, the proof was not in the pudding. She had great difficulty finding any pesticide residues at all on the produce she bought from the store, even with the help of a university chemistry professor/mentor. They detected their standards fine, and tried a few state of the art detection methods. They skinned several unwashed conventional peppers, liquefied them, removed all the solids, and then tested the 100-1000 times concentrated liquid. Still, the most sensitive analytical instruments in the state of Montana could find nothing. By this time, the deadline for the fair had approached. Her research project concluded that further work must be done to detect the pesticides, that probably the pepper juices were interfering (this is the catch all excuse for failure in chemistry… solution – or matrix – interference). Still, she was sure that the deadly poisons on the store bought peppers were there and people of the great state of Montana would be safer and healthier if they bought her family’s vegetables. Imagine the influence our young researchers might have if they focused their energy on real problems, like cancer.⁷

There are two sides to every coin, and at least one thing that I really do like about the green movement. Buy local. Let's keep money changing hands in our own neighborhoods, and away from giant unaccountable corporations. Support your neighbor selling carrots out of his garden, it gives him a sense of pride to grow and sell food, and reduces the demand for produce that has to be shipped by diesel drinking trucks.

1. United States. USDA. National Organic Program RIN:0581-AA40. Washington: GPO
2. Why Organic?. 1997-2004. SunOrganic Farm.
3. The Future is Organic
4. J. Christopher Bauernfeind, and Paul A. Lachance, eds. Nutrient Additions to Food: Nutritional, Technological and Regulatory Aspects. Trumbull: Food and Nutrition Press, 1991.
5. UK TimesOnline Article
6. Riviere, Jim. Chemical Food Safety a Scientist’s Perspective. Ames: Blackwell, 2002
7. Cancer.org

The Train Stop Profiles

The best photographs capture the essence of a subject as it is. A true photographer can capture the essence of a human subject as they are posed; the closest a poor photographer can come is by shooting people with out them knowing, in secret, while the aura of their life energy shines about them.

A cell phone may be modified to minimize the obvious nature of photography. No camera icon, no clicking sounds...

See the rest of the article/images on JPGmag

Short Book Reviews

Currently Reading: The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White. Even though I am yet to finish this book I have already gleaned some great writing pointers that I hope to cement into my pen. The most powerful of these so far has been "Rule 17. Omit Needles Words" with examples of whittling down expressions such as "he is a man who..." to "he..." and "owing to the fact that..." to "since..." The reminders on basic usage, such as the comma rules, are useful as well.

The Elements of Style is a thin, concise, easily understood book as may be expected in a book written on the subject of clear writing. I whole heartedly recommend this book to any one who writes anything that other people will read. The fiftieth anneversary printing, as shown here, is beautifully bound in black with gold letter.


Currently Reading: Benjamin Franklin, An American Life by Walter Isaacson. This book was recommended to me by a good friend of mine and has been well worth the read. Isaacson is as even handed as can be expected when writing about such an enigmatic and multifaceted American hero. He only touches Franklin's extramarital affairs lightly, but dwells on his experiments with electricity. Probably, Isaacson doesn't want to wear the badge of railer on patriotic American heros. I can't blame him. Still, this book has given me a renewed appreciation for Franklin. I definitely would recommend this book. My only complaint is that Isaacson seems to over use the word "wryly," while I am sure that Franklin was indeed wry I don't need to be reminded every two pages.

Just Finished: The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory. This story told through the eyes of Mary Boleyn sucked me into the absurdities and scandal of the court of king Henry VIII in the first few pages. It was a non-stop wild ride the whole way through, an absolute page turner. I found it beautifully written and emotionally attaching. I really felt sad at Mary being separated from her children and related to the bitterness she felt in competition with her sister Anne. Mary gradually changes and matures through the book, finally wising up and taking the control of her future from her family and into her own hands. Sex is an important part of the book (as is love), and is frequently implied. There were probably three paragraphs in the 600 or so pages that I would consider to be graphic. For this reason, I don't know if I could recommend this book to many people. If you don't have a problem skipping over a graphic scene, then pick this book up right away. If a small piece of crap taints the whole, then this book is garbage. Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I found it to be a crystal window into a fascinating time and place.

Camping in Southern Utah

The spot located on the high plateau - we picked out from my brother's helicopter - was only accessible via rock-crawling Jeep.

Our spot was on the edge of a high cliff with the lights of St. George in the distance.


I was struck by the ambiguity of scale, the whole place was like a life size fractal - you keep seeing the same thing as you "zoom in". The arch in this picture was about the size of the palm of my hand, and was located among arches from as small as my pinkie finger to as big as the Jeep.


The wind cut an intricate honeycomb out of the sheer face of red sandstone.


The sun rose to my back as I looked out on St. George in the distance.


For some reason my Dad never tires of the "finger through the fly" trick.

A Man Eating Garbage Teaches a Lesson on Charity

A man dug through the garbage at the train stop. At first, onlookers thought that he was looking for cans to recycle or bottle caps to redeem for points. After all, the author of this post has shamefully rummaged through the train stop garbage looking for Mountain Dew points and he has a licensed Mountain Dew hoodie to thank for it.

After a moment it became clear that the man was not looking for Pepsi points or cans to recycle, he was hungry and too proud to beg for money. A man standing by, a sinner himself and having been brought low before, chocked up as he watched the sad gentleman look through a discarded to-go box only to find nothing and then settle for flat half-day old soda sucked through a used straw.

As the garbage eater walked away, the man watching followed him briefly and asked under his breath, "Brother, are you hungry?" He half turned and nodded a shameful "Yes."

"Go and get yourself something warm to eat" the watcher said as he pushed a crisp five dollar bill into the hungry man's hand. His only response was another shameful nod.

*****

The watching man later recounted the story to his wife and a relative.

"Was he drunk?" The relative asked.
"No."
"Maybe next time, you'll have the time to actually go with him and buy him something to eat so you can make sure that he buys food with it."
"Well, I figure if he was desperate enough to eat out of the garbage he really was hungry."
"A lot of these people are just drunks..."

The man withdrew from the conversation. He thought about the hungry man, remembering the words of Christ "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." And, "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."

If a man who is hungry enough to eat out of the garbage is low, than how much lower is a man who was hungry because he had blown is money on booze, and how much lower than that would be a dishonest drunk man feigning hunger as a ploy to get money for alcohol. Of all the low men, the dishonest drunk would be the least of these and most qualified for the help of a Christian.

Further, charity is much more about the giver than the receiver. The point of charity is to develop the type of love for your fellow man that Christ does. That is, love without condition or judgment. How much love and concern for this man brought low God must have! The true way to love your fellow man is free of condition or stipulation... if the hungry man had taken the giver's money, ripped it up, and spat in his face the giver's act of charity would stand firm.

The watching man mulled this over before he found sleep at night, he thought of the remarks of his relative, and he felt sad.